There is a time and a place for hour’s long sexcapades but right now we are talking about 5 minute monkey lovin’.
1. The first rule of quickies, everyone gets off. No one is left hanging and NO ONE is used as a masturbatory aid. That’s what sex toys are for.
2. Speaking of sex toys…use them! Well lubed and well placed, that’s my sex toy motto. Use them separately or on each other or while having sex, it’s all good!
3. Some people say it’s not a quickie if it’s pre-planned. Those people don’t have kids. Pre-plan! Have the lube and toys ready (batteries checked). Don’t wear underwear. Hell, get together with your day planners. If it means someone is going to be touching your naked bits, do it!
4. Your brain is your largest sex organ so don’t forget to lube it up. Brain lube includes: thinking dirty thoughts all day, posting smutty sticky notes around the house (and reading them), looking at sexy pictures that turn you on.
5. Location, location, location. If your bed has morphed from a love nest to a family nest move to the couch. Fenced back yards are always fun but then you have to bring the baby monitor and that might kill the mood. The shower, with it’s built in sound dampening and extra steam is an awesome quickie location.
6. Do 10 kegels before hand. A few squeezes, coupled with a quick erotic fantasy, and you’ll be half way there. Tip: use Ben Wa balls for a little something extra
This column is dedicated to all the sexy mamas out there who have a baby who breastfeeds every 20 minutes or a toddler who naps so lightly the cat wakes him up or a 4 year old who can’t watch a 20 minute episode of Diego without getting up 45 times.
